I'm a Guest Blogger! - Tips for Personalizing Your Wedding Ceremony

I was invited by the wonderful Greatest Expectations to write a blog post about personalizing your wedding ceremony. So, of course, I did!

The article covers several ways to make your ceremony a reflection of the two of you, including music, readings, and unique rituals. 

Photo by Julia Franzosa Photography

So, what are you waiting for?

Head on over and read my article, The Perfect “I Do” for You- How to Personalize Your Wedding Ceremony 

20 Questions to Ask a Wedding Officiant - and a Few to Ask Yourself

You've picked the date and secured the perfect venue. You know exactly what kind of cake you'll have. You're narrowing down your choices for a DJ. So, what are you missing? 

Oh, yeah..... someone has to officiate your wedding ceremony!

There are so many choices for officiants, so how do you know if you've found the right person? They key to this is asking the right questions. 

When you sit down with a potential officiant, you are meeting this person to see whether you're a good match. Be sure to use the consultation as an opportunity to ask questions. Learn as much as you can about the person who will be responsible for one of the most important moments in your life. 

Here is a list of questions that should help you pick the right officiant:
 
1.    Did you go through any formal training in order to officiate ceremonies?
 
2.    Are your ceremonies any different from those of other officiants?
 
3.    Do you officiate other ceremonies besides weddings?
 
4.    What was one of your favorite wedding ceremonies?
 
5.    Would you ever turn down a couple's invitation to perform their ceremony? If so, for what reason?
 
6.    How would you describe your ideal couple?

7.    Have you ever had things go wrong during a ceremony? How did you handle it?
 
8.    What do you think is your main responsibility as an officiant?
 
9.    What's the best compliment a wedding guest ever gave you?
 
10. What was the funniest or oddest moment in a wedding you celebrated?
 
11. How much control (or input) do we have over the final ceremony?

12. What are your thoughts on a rehearsal? Do you charge extra for running a rehearsal?

13. Do you need a microphone on the wedding day?

14. Will you be staying for the rehearsal dinner and/or reception?

15. Have you ever been late or missed a wedding? If so, what happened?

16. How many weddings do you officiate in a day?

17. Have you ever co-officiated a ceremony with another officiant? If not, would you be willing to do so?

18. Do have any restrictions for us or any of our wedding professionals? (Ex: No flash photography.)

19. What is your fee and what does the fee include?

20. Would you tell us a bit about yourself? 

After the consultation, be sure to take some time to sit down and talk about your meeting. Compare notes and be sure you and your future spouse are on the same page. 

You may want to ask yourselves a few questions. Such as...

Does this person’s personality and approach match ours?

Will this person make us feel comfortable on our wedding day?
  
Does he/she seem prepared and professional?

Is he/she enthusiastic about our wedding?

Does he/she seem interested in us as a couple and in making our ceremony special?

Can we trust this person to make our ceremony run smoothly?

I hope this list comes in handy. Good luck with your search! (And if you would be kind enough to excuse a professional plug - be sure you speak to a Life-Cycle Celebrant!)

Modern Family Wedding Photo Shoot!

So excited to see our Modern Family wedding photo shoot featured on the Sassy Chicago Weddings blog! Be sure to CLICK HERE to see all the shots of this incredibly happy and colorful event.

Below are photos, courtesy of Ocken Photography, of rituals that were included in the ceremony part of the stylized shoot. 

First, the couple participated in an adaptation of a food sharing ritual known as the Tasting of the Elements. In this ritual, various foods represent the "for better or for worse" of married life. In our version, the couple shared a variety of candies - including Hot Tamales to represent the heat of an argument 

As you can guess, the candy was a big hit with the kids!

We ended with a family sand ceremony. The dads and each of the kids picked a color to be layered in a tall vase. Not only was this fun for all the participants, the results yielded a bright and beautiful keepsake.

It was so much fun working with this couple and their adorable kids. And it didn't hurt that I had the opportunity to be back at Catalyst Ranch.

Thank you to Kerrie of Citygirl Weddings and Lauren from the Ranch for including me in this wonderful celebration of marriage equality! 

And a huge thank you to Ocken Photography for the wonderful photos!

Getting Married? Here's What People Won't Tell You....

Thanks to my Celebrant colleague, Celia Milton, I just read a great article about weddings. I highly recommend that you read it, too.


25 Things Wedding Photographers Wish You Knew has some excellent advice. And these are things all wedding professionals wish you knew, but likely won't say so. 


Some of my favorites? 

#14 - Slow Down  

Yes! Relax. Have fun. Breathe. Things may go wrong. So what? The things that matter will be fine. The little things are not that big of a deal. Stop worrying. And slow down. Literally! You don't need to run down the aisle. 

#16 - Control Your Uncle Bob 

This one can't be stressed enough. I've seen an over-zealous uncle almost knock over a person from the wedding party - the GROOM! This poor groom was bumped into by the uncle, who remained oblivious behind his camera & just kept snapping those pix. 

And yes, the couple had a professional photographer. The uncle got in his way, too.

I have become a big fan of un-plugged weddings. I often recommend that we include a statement at the beginning of the ceremony, asking guests to put away phones & cameras and "be fully present."  

Thanks to Type A Images for writing this post. Now go read it, people! 

Q & A: How Do I Get a Marriage or Civil Union License in Cook County?

Answer: Here's a video that explains how to get a license!

A Case for Unplugged Weddings

This past year, I have added language in my ceremonies asking guests to put away their phones & cameras. Now, I should explain that this is put into the 1st draft, which I send to the couple, and they have the option of removing it. I find that most people leave it in. They've heard the  stories. And I can vouch for it - the stories are TRUE.

Of course, not everyone with a smart phone or an iPad is rude. And yet, many people seem to forget their manners when they're at a wedding and they want to get that one "perfect shot." I've seen a camera-happy relative almost bump into the groom as the groom was pouring a glass of wine. I've seen a bride barely able to walk up the aisle because guests were stepping in front of her to take pictures. And I hear the clicking and snapping throughout the ceremony.

 So, my friends, please watch the video below. And don't be that guy.

Thanks to my colleague, Life Cycle Celebrant Cindie Wilding of Bird and Nest Ceremonies, for sharing this video!

Personalizing Your Ceremony

Guess who was featured in the Be U Weddings article on personalizing your ceremony! Give up??


Check it out HERE

Indie Wed Ticket Giveaway!

Indie Wed is coming up very soon...... and I want to see you there.


So I'm giving away a pair of free tickets!


Here's the scoop:


Indie Wed is on Saturday, January 28th, from 10am to 4pm at the Ravenswood Event Center in Chicago (entrance is at 4043 N. Ravenswood Ave.)

Indie Wed will feature:

*two floors with 100+ vendors (like me- AnitaWeds!)

*food & beer tastings - Yum!

*musical & dance performances

*wandering models featuring spectacular bridal fashions

*swag bags for the first 50 people in line (for which I am making a very cute goodie bag, if I do say so myself)

*free workshops & lectures, including a workshop on personalizing your ceremony, called, "The Perfect 'I Do' for You" - presented by yours truly.

*and much more!

 Tickets are $20 per person at the door - but I have a pair to GIVE AWAY!

Interested? Here's how to enter the giveaway:

Leave a comment here at the AnitaWeds blog by this Friday, January 20th at 11:59 p.m. 

Include the following:

your first name & wedding date

why you're interested in attending IndieWed  

The randomly selected winner will be announced here on Saturday, January 21st. 


Good luck!

Getting Ready for Indie Wed!

I'm really looking forward to participating in this year's Indie Wed on January 28th. Not only will I have a table, I will also be presenting a workshop called, "The Perfect 'I Do' For You." The focus of the workshop is to give couples ideas for making their wedding ceremony more personal. I'll cover a variety of topics including music, readings, and rituals. There will also be time for Q & A, so bring your questions! 


In the meantime, I'm working on my giveaways. I was looking for some type of fun goodie bag, and came across these "robots in love" baggies. Perfect! I just finished assembling them and they're all ready to be included in the swag bags given to to the first 50 attendees. 


So, now I'm busy making buttons - thanks to my dear friend (and artistic adviser and all-around advice guru) for lending me her fancy schmancy button making machine. It's pretty addictive. My children and I got lost in a button-making haze for about a week.


Now that I'm done cutting stuff out of magazines and making buttons for fun (like a cool tentacle button that's on my jacket right now), I'm working on making buttons to give away at my table. I have buttons with the AnitaWeds logo, my signature red flower and cute "groom" and "bride" buttons. 

So, if you're coming to Indie Wed, stop by and say hi. And grab a few buttons for your jacket.

Q: What type of research do you do for ceremonies?

When discussing my work recently, I mentioned that I love having the opportunity to do research on a wide variety of topics. I was asked to describe the types of research I do for ceremonies.

So, in response to that question, I thought I'd first explain why I do research.

Couples that work with me complete questionnaires, with questions about their relationship (how they met, what they love about one another, etc), what they want in a ceremony, and their own likes/dislikes and interests. I take that information and get to work on creating a ceremony that reflects the couple - as individuals and as a pair - and tells their story.

So..... I do lots of research. Which I really enjoy (the library is my friend!) Some of it has to do with topics you would expect, some may be a little surprising.

Here are some topics I've researched for ceremonies:

• Chinese legend of the Red String
• Song lyrics from different artists, including Bjork, U2, Leonard Cohen, Beatles, Deathcab for Cutie, Frank Sinatra, Counting Crows & Journey
• Legal decisions
• Mongolian wedding customs
• Sports lingo - especially baseball
• Pagan holidays
• Verses from the Koran
• Cherokee blanket ceremony
• Secular versions of the traditional Jewish Seven Blessings
• Comic book couples
• Dialogue from movies, such as Twilight, Harold & Maude, Princess Bride, Star Wars & Reservoir Dogs
• Symbolism of flowers
• Vietnamese wedding traditions
• Sherlock Holmes
• Korean wedding rituals
• Disney characters & lines from movies
• Quotes about coffee
• Military language
• Impressionist painters
• German folk songs
• Capoeira, an Afro-Brazialian art form combining dance & martial arts

It's All About YOU!!

Are you worrying about your upcoming wedding ceremony?

Nervous that it may wind up being the same as every other wedding ceremony you've seen?

Hoping to make your ceremony more "YOU?"

Then you may be interested in my upcoming workshop, "Creating a Unique Wedding Ceremony." The workshop is being offered through Oakton Community College.

Topics to be covered include:

• Selecting the right readings
• Rituals from different cultures
• Blending different traditions
• Theme weddings

There will also be time for a Q & A, so you can have your specific questions answered.

Here are all the details:

Class: Creating a Unique Wedding Ceremony (course code is PSY B02-01)

Location: Glenbrook South High School, 4000 W. Lake Ave. in Glenview

When: Tuesday, October 5th, 7 - 8:30 p.m. Workshop Fee: $30

How to Register online: Visit Oakton's website

Register by phone: Call 847-982-9888 & choose option 3 (days) or 847-486-4713 (evenings)

Hope to see you there!

A Wedding Just for Metal Heads!

My husband just found this amazing news at The Onion's AV Club and I just had to share.

Any metal heads out there? Planning to get married soon? Hoping to combine your love of music with your Big Day?Then this could be the answer to your dreams.

You can get married at next month's Ozzfest!

The package being offered, called "Unholy Matrimony," features an Ozzfest wedding ceremony performed on stage by Big Dave. I have no idea who Big Dave is, but apparently he can officiate your rockin' ceremony. Go, Big Dave!

But wait, there's more! It also includes 10 general admission pit tickets (for the happy couple and 8 of their closest friends), an Ozzfest wedding cake, access to the Ozzfest VIP Lounge, and other goodies. Did I mention that your officiant, Big Dave, will also be your guide for an official pre-show Backstage Tour?

Seriously, I do think this is kinda cool. Hey, I may have been more into New Order and Depeche Mode than Metallica, but I did listen to Ozzy back in my youth. And I admit to having had a crush on Randy Rhoads. There - I said it.

Actually, I think it would be fun to be the officiant for this ceremony, But, unfortunately, Big Dave beat me to it.

Just know that, if you're not into the whole getting-married-on-stage thing, but still want a metal wedding, I think it would be fun! All aboard on the crazy train!

Q & A: What the Heck is a Celebrant???

Question for the Day: What is a Celebrant?

I have had a few blank stares when I tell people that I'm a Celebrant.

So, to shed some light on the subject, here is a video from the Celebrant Foundation explains our role nicely.

Processional Music That's..... YOU!

So, I guess I'm on a music theme here, but it seems I've been talking to a lot of couples about music lately. When the subject of processional and recessional songs comes up, I always advise them to just play what they like. The only caveat is that you should be sure to listen to the lyrics and make sure they won't be embarrassing on your wedding day. In other words, do you really want to realize (too late!) that you're walking out of your ceremony to a break-up song?

Many people already have plans for playing non-traditional tunes. One of my all-time favorites was this "classical" version of Guns 'n' Roses' "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Vitamin String Quartet. It was chosen for the bride's processional and it was great! Guests who recognized the song loved it, and the others just thought it was a nice, energetic classical piece. Brilliant!

Q & A - How do you write a "personalized" ceremony?

I thought I'd cover a frequently asked question today.

People often wonder how it is that I can create a "personalized" ceremony for each couple.

Well, I will now divulge my secret..... actually it's not really a secret at all.

Every couple who hires me completes a Couple Questionnaire before I start working on their ceremony. The Questionnaire has tons of questions, the answers of which allow me to get to know each couple better.

Then I start working on the ceremony. I select rituals the couple has requested, or I suggest those that I think they'll like. I also spend time researching elements that will make the ceremony unique, such as lyrics to songs they like, quotes from a favorite author or movie, etc. I'll also look into traditions from their cultural backgrounds if they like.

So... what are some of the questions I ask? Here is a small sampling:

• How did you and your partner meet?
• How did you propose or accept the proposal?
• What does your partner do that always makes you laugh?
• In what ways has your life changed since meeting your partner?
• Would you like to include anything in the ceremony to honor your background?
• Is there someone special who helped shape you as a person?
• Do you have a favorite movie or book? Favorite writer?
• What is your favorite type of music? Favorite performer? Song?
• Is there a person in history you greatly admire? Why?
• Who are your heroes?

I then send a couple the first draft of their ceremony for approval. They can edit, delete and/or change to their heart's content. We keep at it until they feel the ceremony is finished - and they LOVE it.

And voila! That's how a personalized ceremony is created.

Words of Love

In honor of Valentine's Day, here are some of my favorite quotes used in wedding ceremonies I've written in that past year:

"When two hands make a stand together on the solid rock of trust, they could be a million miles from each other and still be side by side in love." - Chris Ledoux, from the song, "Big Love"

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi (Persian poet)

"....happiness exists at just one time. And that time is now." - Willie Nelson, The Tao of Willie

"The world always seems brighter when you've just made something that wasn't there before." - Neil Gaiman (from an interview)

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you brought out." - Erich Fried, from the poem, "I Love Thee"

"I have found for the first time what I can truly love - I have found you. You are my sympathy - my better self - my good angel - I am bound to you with a strong attachment." - Charlotte Bronte, from Jane Eyre

Words from the Wise

One of my favorite resources is a book that was a textbook for my Wedding Celebrant certification program at the Celebrant Foundation. The book, Joining Hands and Hearts by Rev. Susanna Stefanachi Macomb, is an invaluable resource when I'm writing ceremonies, especially when I want specific information pertaining to a particular faith or culture.

I thought I'd share some of my favorite quotes from this volume, which I think are great for wedding ceremonies. Enjoy!

"From every human being there arises a light that reaches straight to heaven. When two souls who are destined for each other find one another, their streams of light flow together and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being." Ba'al Shem Tov

"They are not said to be husband and wife who merely sit together. Rather, they alone are called husband and wife who have one soul in two bodies." Guru Amar Das

"The tender words you have said to one another are stored in the secret heart of Heaven. One day like rain they will fall and spread, and your mystery will grow green over the world." Jalal al-Din Rumi

"On this day, two lives join as one. Who can know from where this union comes? Who can know how far into eternity this will go? These are the blessings of Unknowing." Wendy Egoku Nakao, from The Blessings of Unknowing

"When two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze. And when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts, their words are sweet and strong, like the fragrance of orchids." from the I Ching

"Love gives life to the lifeless. Love lights a flame in the heart that is cold. Love brings hope to the hopeless and gladdens the heart of the sorrowful." Abdu'l-Baha from Paris Talks

A Reading That Will Induce Giggling

My Celebrant colleagues are fantastic people! I love that they are open to sharing ideas and giving advice.

Well, recently one of my colleagues was looking for funny readings for a couple she was marrying. Several people gave her suggestions, but my favorite came from the wonderful and creative New Jersey Celebrant, Cristina Kollet.

She suggested using a selection from the book, I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg. I love this! Thanks for the idea, Cristina!

Here are some excerpts, which I think would be wonderful for a wedding ceremony:

Sometimes we don't say a word

We snurkle under fences. We spy secret places.
If I am a goofus on the roofus hollering my head off, You are one too
If I pretend I am drowning, you pretend you are saving me
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,
then you are getting ready to jump HOORAY.....

And I like you because when I am feeling sad, You don't always cheer me up right away
Sometimes it is better to be sad
You can't stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute
You want to think about things. It takes time.

I like you because if I am mad at you, Then you are mad at me too
It's awful when the other person isn't
They are so nice and hoo-hoo you could just about punch them in the nose….

On the 4th of July I like you because it's the 4th of July
On the fifth of July, I like you too
If you and I had some drums and some horns and some horses
If we had some hats and some flags and some fire engines
We could be a HOLIDAY
We could be a CELEBRATION
We could be a WHOLE PARADE
See what I mean?

Even if it was the 999th of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November
Even if it was no place particular in January
I would go on choosing you. And you would go on choosing me.
Over and over again.....

Friday Q & A: What is the typical processional?

Question: What is the normal way of doing a processional? Are the couples supposed to walk in together, or do the bridesmaids walk in separately?

Answer: As anyone who reads my blog knows, I'm not a fan of couples being told how to do things. There is no right way, as far as I'm concerned. But, there are several options.

• The attendants can walk in as pairs.
• The groomsmen can walk in with the groom (often from a side entrance) and stand up front at the beginning of the ceremony. In this scenario, the bridesmaids walk individually.
• The bride may be escorted by a parent, both parents, siblings - or no one at all.
• I've also had some couples opt for walking in together.
• In very small weddings, some couples opt to have everyone gather together in circle, and do away with the processional altogether!
  

Bottom line - it's up to you. Do what works for you - and what makes you comfortable. Just don't worry about being different - it's YOUR wedding. You can even dance down the aisle if you want! But, that wouldn't be all that different, would it?

Friday Q & A - Exchanging Rings

Question: At the last wedding I attended, when the couple exchanged rings they each said, "With this ring, I thee wed."
Is there something else we can use instead of this?

Answer: When you exchange rings, you can say what ever you want!
Here are samples of ring vows chosen by couples whose wedding ceremonies I've written:

• I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness to you.
• I give you this ring as a sign of my love and devotion. May its presence on your hand serve always to remind you of my love. May you find shelter, peace, and most of all happiness in the love I give to you for the rest of my life.
• Please accept this ring in token of the vow made between us and as a sign of my love and commitment to you.
• I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband. I gibe you this ring as a symbol of my love and a sign of my promise.

Remember, choose what feels right to you!