I'm a Guest Blogger! - Tips for Personalizing Your Wedding Ceremony

I was invited by the wonderful Greatest Expectations to write a blog post about personalizing your wedding ceremony. So, of course, I did!

The article covers several ways to make your ceremony a reflection of the two of you, including music, readings, and unique rituals. 

Photo by Julia Franzosa Photography

So, what are you waiting for?

Head on over and read my article, The Perfect “I Do” for You- How to Personalize Your Wedding Ceremony 

20 Questions to Ask a Wedding Officiant - and a Few to Ask Yourself

You've picked the date and secured the perfect venue. You know exactly what kind of cake you'll have. You're narrowing down your choices for a DJ. So, what are you missing? 

Oh, yeah..... someone has to officiate your wedding ceremony!

There are so many choices for officiants, so how do you know if you've found the right person? They key to this is asking the right questions. 

When you sit down with a potential officiant, you are meeting this person to see whether you're a good match. Be sure to use the consultation as an opportunity to ask questions. Learn as much as you can about the person who will be responsible for one of the most important moments in your life. 

Here is a list of questions that should help you pick the right officiant:
 
1.    Did you go through any formal training in order to officiate ceremonies?
 
2.    Are your ceremonies any different from those of other officiants?
 
3.    Do you officiate other ceremonies besides weddings?
 
4.    What was one of your favorite wedding ceremonies?
 
5.    Would you ever turn down a couple's invitation to perform their ceremony? If so, for what reason?
 
6.    How would you describe your ideal couple?

7.    Have you ever had things go wrong during a ceremony? How did you handle it?
 
8.    What do you think is your main responsibility as an officiant?
 
9.    What's the best compliment a wedding guest ever gave you?
 
10. What was the funniest or oddest moment in a wedding you celebrated?
 
11. How much control (or input) do we have over the final ceremony?

12. What are your thoughts on a rehearsal? Do you charge extra for running a rehearsal?

13. Do you need a microphone on the wedding day?

14. Will you be staying for the rehearsal dinner and/or reception?

15. Have you ever been late or missed a wedding? If so, what happened?

16. How many weddings do you officiate in a day?

17. Have you ever co-officiated a ceremony with another officiant? If not, would you be willing to do so?

18. Do have any restrictions for us or any of our wedding professionals? (Ex: No flash photography.)

19. What is your fee and what does the fee include?

20. Would you tell us a bit about yourself? 

After the consultation, be sure to take some time to sit down and talk about your meeting. Compare notes and be sure you and your future spouse are on the same page. 

You may want to ask yourselves a few questions. Such as...

Does this person’s personality and approach match ours?

Will this person make us feel comfortable on our wedding day?
  
Does he/she seem prepared and professional?

Is he/she enthusiastic about our wedding?

Does he/she seem interested in us as a couple and in making our ceremony special?

Can we trust this person to make our ceremony run smoothly?

I hope this list comes in handy. Good luck with your search! (And if you would be kind enough to excuse a professional plug - be sure you speak to a Life-Cycle Celebrant!)

Getting Married? Here's What People Won't Tell You....

Thanks to my Celebrant colleague, Celia Milton, I just read a great article about weddings. I highly recommend that you read it, too.


25 Things Wedding Photographers Wish You Knew has some excellent advice. And these are things all wedding professionals wish you knew, but likely won't say so. 


Some of my favorites? 

#14 - Slow Down  

Yes! Relax. Have fun. Breathe. Things may go wrong. So what? The things that matter will be fine. The little things are not that big of a deal. Stop worrying. And slow down. Literally! You don't need to run down the aisle. 

#16 - Control Your Uncle Bob 

This one can't be stressed enough. I've seen an over-zealous uncle almost knock over a person from the wedding party - the GROOM! This poor groom was bumped into by the uncle, who remained oblivious behind his camera & just kept snapping those pix. 

And yes, the couple had a professional photographer. The uncle got in his way, too.

I have become a big fan of un-plugged weddings. I often recommend that we include a statement at the beginning of the ceremony, asking guests to put away phones & cameras and "be fully present."  

Thanks to Type A Images for writing this post. Now go read it, people! 

Q & A: How Do I Get a Marriage or Civil Union License in Cook County?

Answer: Here's a video that explains how to get a license!

A Case for Unplugged Weddings

This past year, I have added language in my ceremonies asking guests to put away their phones & cameras. Now, I should explain that this is put into the 1st draft, which I send to the couple, and they have the option of removing it. I find that most people leave it in. They've heard the  stories. And I can vouch for it - the stories are TRUE.

Of course, not everyone with a smart phone or an iPad is rude. And yet, many people seem to forget their manners when they're at a wedding and they want to get that one "perfect shot." I've seen a camera-happy relative almost bump into the groom as the groom was pouring a glass of wine. I've seen a bride barely able to walk up the aisle because guests were stepping in front of her to take pictures. And I hear the clicking and snapping throughout the ceremony.

 So, my friends, please watch the video below. And don't be that guy.

Thanks to my colleague, Life Cycle Celebrant Cindie Wilding of Bird and Nest Ceremonies, for sharing this video!

Green Wedding Tips from Sierra Club

I just came across this post on the Sierra Club website - 10 Steps to a Green Wedding and wanted to share.

The article had some great suggestions, including:

• Avoid "blood diamonds" in favor of vintage rings, or even wooden bands
• Choose a venue that require less travel 
• Serve organic wine
• Use a florist that offers local flowers and greenery

One of my favorite tips was celebrating your marriage with a shower of biodegradable confetti!

Ecofetti offers confetti that is environmentally safe - and comes in a variety of colors, as seen below.

How fun is that? 

So, as you plan your wedding, keep in mind that there are many options that will allow you to have a wonderful, unique event, and still remain environmentally responsible. 

Pets at Weddings

My family loves animals - as our two dogs and two cats will gladly confirm! And if it weren't for the practicality and common sense of my husband, we'd probably have an ever bigger menagerie! 

So many of the couples I marry are also huge animal lovers, and look for ways to include their furry kids in their wedding planning. So, I was happy to see this article on the Tails website - 5 Ways to Include Your Pet in Your Wedding.

So, check out the article for some great tips - and check out the Angel Eyes Photography post on Luis & Dan's wedding to see more photos of them with their pooch on their wedding day.

Finding the Right Partner

Wedding Vows - What You Should Promise, But Probably Won't

Many of my couples decide to write their own vows. While they often agonize over the right wording, the proper length, and what they want to express, I am constantly awed and inspired by the beautiful vows my brides and grooms write. Well, that could just be because my couples are all so darned awesome. 

But, today I came across a blog post written by author Lydia Netzer, titled, 10 Best Marriage Vows You Never Hear at Weddings. And boy, is she spot on! 

I wish I could take credit for discovering this wonderful post, but I have to confess that I saw it referenced on Pinterest by Crafty Broads, an incredibly cool couple who create custom clothing (nice alliteration, there, huh?) and do event planning - and who I am dying to work with some day.

 And they have a pretty cool blog, Crafting a Marriage, which you need to check out.

So, back to the vows...... Netzer explains that there are ten vows couples should make to one another, in order to have a happy, healthy relationship. These include, "I promise to make sure I'm not just hungry, before I yell at you." And my husband can vouch that this one applies too me a little too well. 

Another important vow: 

I think we can all agree that this is an important one. 

So, check out the post for more excellent advice. And, if you do have a wedding coming up, you may want to think about including some of these suggestions in your vows. 

Being YOU on Your Big Day

I have an acquaintance who opted not to wear make-up on her wedding day. She never wore make-up in her daily life and didn't see the point of putting it on for the wedding. She mentioned this to a co-worker and was asked, "But don't you want to look good for your wedding?" She responded with, "Don't I look good now?" That ended that debate.

I just came across the post, Beautiful Without Makeup, on 2000 Dollar Wedding. It was about this very same thing!

The story made me remember my own wedding day. A friend, who was a professional cosmetologist, offered to do my make-up before the wedding. I went to her home studio, where gave me my "new look," insisting I needed to be "more dramatic" for the photos.

When I got to my car to go home, I checked my face in the mirror. I looked ridiculous! I burst out laughing and wound up wiping most of it off.

So, why do brides feel compelled to be someone different on their wedding day? There is so much pressure put on women to conform to a fairy-tale version of beauty on the Big Day. It's compounded by magazines, t.v. shows - and even friends and family,

But if you're not inclined to go that route, is it really such a big deal? So what if you don't want to put on make-up? Who cares if you wear your hair down, just like you always do? It's YOUR wedding!

I am happy to say I've met many wonderful brides who've chosen to do their own thing - without worrying about other people.

My favorite was a recent bride who wore a gorgeous, traditional, long, white wedding gown - with sneakers. I overheard two older family members talking about it. One lady said incredulously, "Wow - she just does whatever she wants." And the other replied, "And it works." Love it!

I'm all for doing what ever the heck you want on your big day. If you want to wear crazy-high stilettos, go for it. But if you want to wear flip-flops instead, you have my blessing. Just be YOU.

My Fantasy Wedding Dance Party

I have been planning a wedding for the last few years - in my head. Even though I've been married eighteen years, I sometimes fantasize about having another wedding.

I have many of the details of my fantasy wedding already set. It would be held at Catalyst Ranch, of course. Luscious Layers Bakery will make my cake - and the sweet table. (Hey, it's my fantasy - I can have both.)

Since those two important details are done, I spend most of my time considering the music playlist. This is a constantly-evolving creation. The problem is that it keeps getting longer.

I can't imagine a party that doesn't include dance songs from the 80's and 90's (my era!). The obvious choices are New Order and Depeche Mode. And I can't forget It's My Life by Talk Talk (not that Gwen Stefani cover - ick!). Then there's Been Caught Stealing by Jane's Addiction. Ans then I'd have to get at least one INXS song in the mix. Where will it end??

Then, I keep finding more songs that I love - from this decade. Like, Michael Franti's Say Hey (I Love You) and Closer by Ne-Yo. It's getting ridiculous. I'd have to have a whole weekend to play everything I want.

But I guess that, since it's only a pretend wedding that I'm planning, I can add all the songs I want. You folks who are planning an actual wedding have the difficult task ahead of you - finding songs you both like, your guests will dance to, and fitting them all into a few hours of reception time. And then there's the No Play list to consider..... you definitely don't want to waste time hearing songs you hate. Chicken Dance, anyone?

Today's Chicago Tribune featured an article with practical advice about wedding music and the No Play list. Check it out here.

Ooh, that reminds me, I have to add I Gotta Feeling to my playlist!

Gift-Giving Rules and Other Wedding Myths

So, it's been awhile, folks! Sorry for the lag in blogging, but I've been trying to get caught up with writing ceremonies and all the paperwork that regularly invades my desk. I'm now all caught up, but not by my own accord. I had the good fortune of having a wonderful young woman offer her services as an intern. The fabulous - and organized! - Maya has been a life saver. So, thanks to Maya I'm back. Yay!

And here's what I wanted to share.....

An article in the Chicago Tribune yesterday morning caught my eye. The article, Don't Invite These Myths to Your wedding Festivities had some great points that I feel compelled to note. So, click on the article and check it out.

But, one that I feel worth mentioning is the topic of gift-giving. I'm a 1st generation American and my family's roots in the Old Country compel them to follow certain rules in social situations. One of those rules is related to gift giving. Not only do they feel that you should at least cover the cost of your dinner, the older folks also believe that your gift should not be out-done by someone else. Not that you should go overboard and be to show-offy, but you shouldn't give less than others and thus become the talk of the town. People talk, ya know.

It's hard to navigate this subtle balance, which is why a certain family member called me a few months after my wedding to see what a certain guest had given us as a gift.

It went something like this (except in German):

Her: So, what did you get from Mrs. X as a wedding gift?

Me: Why?

Her: Because we're going to her son's wedding on Saturday.

Me: So?

Her: And I want to know what they gave you.... so I have an idea.

Me: Um, I don't remember. (I really didn't remember, but wouldn't have told even if I did)

Her: I thought you wrote it on the back of the cards for when you sent thank you notes.

Me: Oh, I threw those away already. (I said this as I was looking for the cards, so I could throw them away)

Her: Really? (She suspected I was lying - imagine that)

Me: Yes, really. And I wouldn't tell you anyway, Mom.

Okay, so now you know the culprit (I assure you, she means well). But, as you can see, this topic bugs me.

My advice? Give what you can give. Give what you feel inclined to give. Give from the heart.

One of the best wedding gifts I received was a glass sculpture made by my sister-in-law. The other was a painting - a portrait of me and my husband - done by my then 6 year-old niece.

If you are a bride or groom, do not expect your wedding to be a money-making venture. The reception is a party you're throwing. Your friends and family are coming to celebrate with you.

If they bring a gift, that's the icing on the cake!

After the Wedding - What to do With All the Stuff

I just came across this great post at So You're Engayged and just had to share.

The article, After the Wedding: What to Do About Your Wedding "Leftovers" has some great tips for getting rid of all those little extras.

And even better? Suggestions for how to avoid winding up with all that extra stuff!

Be sure to check it out.... before you're buried in piles of tiny vases and other do-dads.

It's All About YOU!!

Are you worrying about your upcoming wedding ceremony?

Nervous that it may wind up being the same as every other wedding ceremony you've seen?

Hoping to make your ceremony more "YOU?"

Then you may be interested in my upcoming workshop, "Creating a Unique Wedding Ceremony." The workshop is being offered through Oakton Community College.

Topics to be covered include:

• Selecting the right readings
• Rituals from different cultures
• Blending different traditions
• Theme weddings

There will also be time for a Q & A, so you can have your specific questions answered.

Here are all the details:

Class: Creating a Unique Wedding Ceremony (course code is PSY B02-01)

Location: Glenbrook South High School, 4000 W. Lake Ave. in Glenview

When: Tuesday, October 5th, 7 - 8:30 p.m. Workshop Fee: $30

How to Register online: Visit Oakton's website

Register by phone: Call 847-982-9888 & choose option 3 (days) or 847-486-4713 (evenings)

Hope to see you there!

The Party's Over......

I was recently checking out the website and blog of local Chicago wedding planner, Lisa Gordon, owner of Lisa Gordon Events. Lisa specializes in coordinating non-traditional weddings and commitment ceremonies, especially eco-friendly celebrations.

I saw this post on dealing with the "stuff" after the reception has ended. Her post goes over such things as what to do with leftover food. Did you know that, in some areas, food can be donated to a shelter? And what the heck do you do with all those decorations?? Read Lisa's post for some great tips!

A Thank You Means so Much

Today I received the most beautiful thank you card from a couple whose wedding I officiated a few months ago. Getting a card in the mail is a treat in itself, but a handwritten note that expresses heartfelt thanks is beyond compare. This one actually brought tears to my eyes and had me in a wonderful mood all day.

So, just a reminder - a thank you note goes a long way. Make someone's day and let them know they're appreciated.
You'll be glad you did it - and so will they!

Wedding Ceremony Class at Oakton Community College

I am pleased to announce that I will be teaching a class at Oakton Community College's Alliance for Lifelong Learning. The course is called "Creating a Unique Wedding Ceremony" and its purpose is to enable participants to create a wedding ceremony that is unique and personal. The class will cover topics such as selecting readings for your ceremony, identifying rituals to include in your ceremony, theme weddings, and finding ways to personalize your ceremony. There will also be a question and answer period, so participants can get specific advice.

The class will be offered at 7 p.m. on October 7th at Maine West High School and again on November 19th at Niles West High School. You can register for the class online by clicking here.

Friday Q & A: A Cermony Without Religion?

Question: My fiancee and I are not religious. Can we have a ceremony without religion?

Answer: Absolutely! I have worked with several couples who did not want a religious ceremony. We were able to create meaningful, personal ceremonies in every instance.

Recently, I married a couple who enjoyed a lovely ceremony (one of my favorites!) that was completely secular. I shared some funny anecdotes about how they met (a great story that had everyone in stitches) and how their relationship blossomed into love. They also participated in a Tasting Ritual, which none of their guests had ever seen before. After the ceremony, they received many positive comments. A few guests told the bride that theirs was the best ceremony they had ever witnessed.

So, don't worry that your ceremony will seem like something's missing. There are many rituals that are non-religious, so you have many, many options. Look into handfasting, wine sharing, exchanging leis or garlands.... be creative!

Most importantly, your ceremony should be a reflection of you. If you don't want a religious wedding, there is no reason you can't have an amazing, sacred ceremony - minus the religion.

Friday Q & A : Showing Support for Marriage Equality

Question: I am getting married soon and would like to know how to show support for gay couples who are unable to get married in Illinois. Any ideas?

I have learned that several of my fellow celebrants have had the same question come up. What some couples have chosen to do is shown their support for gay marriage by quoting from "Goodridge Vs. Department of Health" by Massachusetts Supreme Court Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall.

The following excerpt is a powerful statement about marraige that would work well as a reading for a wedding ceremony.

"Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return, it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations....Without question, civil marriage enhances the "welfare of the community." It is a "social institution of the highest importance." ... Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family.... Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition."

I would strongly recommend reading the post Honoring Marriage Equality in Your Wedding Ceremony for great suggestions.

Are YOU a Bad Daughter-in-Law?

This LOL Cat may not think you're a good daughter-in-law.
The question is ..... Are you?

We always hear about the evil mother-in-law. I have friends who have been cursed with some pretty wacky MILs. That being said, there are daughters-in-law that can make your skin crawl.

So, are you a bad daughter-in-law?

To find out if you qualify for this unsavory category, check out 12 Signs You're the Daughter-in-Law from Hell at Bridezilla.com.

The article include these lovely examples of dealing with your MIL:

• When she gave you her secret family recipes, you ripped them up and said, "He has a new family now and won't be needing these."
• You audibly snickered when she said, "Welcome to the family."

I sincerely hope you don't recognize yourself here. I'm crossing my fingers....