Wedding Vows - What You Should Promise, But Probably Won't

Many of my couples decide to write their own vows. While they often agonize over the right wording, the proper length, and what they want to express, I am constantly awed and inspired by the beautiful vows my brides and grooms write. Well, that could just be because my couples are all so darned awesome. 

But, today I came across a blog post written by author Lydia Netzer, titled, 10 Best Marriage Vows You Never Hear at Weddings. And boy, is she spot on! 

I wish I could take credit for discovering this wonderful post, but I have to confess that I saw it referenced on Pinterest by Crafty Broads, an incredibly cool couple who create custom clothing (nice alliteration, there, huh?) and do event planning - and who I am dying to work with some day.

 And they have a pretty cool blog, Crafting a Marriage, which you need to check out.

So, back to the vows...... Netzer explains that there are ten vows couples should make to one another, in order to have a happy, healthy relationship. These include, "I promise to make sure I'm not just hungry, before I yell at you." And my husband can vouch that this one applies too me a little too well. 

Another important vow: 

I think we can all agree that this is an important one. 

So, check out the post for more excellent advice. And, if you do have a wedding coming up, you may want to think about including some of these suggestions in your vows. 

Alison & Scott's Sweet End-of-Summer Wedding

As I've mentioned before, I'm wayyy behind on my blog posts. I have been meaning to share details of this wedding for months. So, finally, here you are.

Scott and Alison had a lovely wedding last September at the Deer Path Inn in Lake Forest. Already a gorgeous location, the beautiful weather made it even better. We were a little concerned about rain when we had the rehearsal, but the day was great. I did brag that I have never had a ceremony "rained out," so I was relieved to maintain my clean track record.

The ceremony was in the lovely outdoor courtyard which added to the warm, intimate feel of the occasion.

One of my favorite details of the ceremony was that Alison and Scott chose to incorporate a ring blessing in the ceremony, after they exchanged vows. This ritual is such a perfect way to include family and friends, and really creates a sense of community.

I asked the guests to direct their blessings and positive energy to the rings now worn by the couple, in order to infuse them with the love of the entire group.

It was wonderful - you could really feel the warmth and energy flowing forth from their family and friends. What a joy to be a part of such an amazing moment!

Another unique touch was the personal details Alison and Scott added to the day. My favorite was that the tables were identified by pictures of the couple, enjoying various activities together.

What a great idea!

Alison and Scott, this is long overdue, but congratulations! Thank you for letting me be a part of your wedding day.

WIth This Ring....

When I'm working with couples on their wedding ceremony, I try to encourage them to be involved in the creation process.

One way to make your ceremony more personalized is to write your own ring vows or marriage vows. This can be a rich and rewarding experience, and allows people to really reflect on their relationship and their upcoming marriage.

Of course, not everyone is comfortable with writing the vows, especially when, ultimately, there will be witnesses!

So, another option is to get involved with selecting the words yourself. Review examples of vows and ring exchanges and see what appeals to you. You can change the wording to suit your tastes, or combine different vows. It's up to you!

Here are a few of my other favorites:

"With this ring, I thee wed, and with my body, I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods thee endow."

"This ring is a token of my faithfulness and love and a symbol that all I have I share with you. Let this ring symbolize our one life together. I accept this ring as a symbol of our one life together."

You should say words that have meaning to you and feel right. Be sure you look at different examples and pick the words that are YOU!

Joe & Diane's Ceremony witth Blessing Stones

I almost cried. I've married lots of couples, but yesterday was the first time I almost cried.

I had the privilege of being a part of the wedding of a wonderful couple - Joe and Diane. Their story really touched me, not to mention that they are two of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet!

For their ceremony, Diane and Joe wrote their own vows. That's what really hit me. They are so deeply in love with one another and their vows were truly the most beautiful I have ever heard. It was hard not to cry, but I managed to keep it together. Barely.

Joe and Diane also opted to include a stone blessing in their ceremony, to which they added their own creative touch. Blessing stone rituals became popular at beach weddings, where guests are given stones upon which they place their blessings for the couple. The stones are then tossed in the ocean.

This ritual can also be done at any type of wedding - it's not limited to beach settings. I've had a few weddings where couples had a blessing stone ritual (or a variation thereof) where the stones are collected as a keepsake for the couple.

Diane and Joe selected rose quartz stones to be given to their guests. Rose quartz is a stone that represents enduring love, and these stones carried the blessings and well wishes of Joe and Diane's family and friends. Their children each selected their own stones, which included Seraphinite, Float Copper, and Azurite. They placed their stones on top of the rose quartz, which had been collected in a crystal bowl. Then, Joe and Diane placed their individual stones in the center. It was really lovely!

After the wedding ceremony, several of the guests were drawn to the table with the bowl of blessing stones. As they commented on the stones, one gentleman placed his hands over the bowl, as if warming them over a fire. Another person joked, "Can you feel the energy?" and he replied, "You know, I really can." You could sure feel the love in that room!

The ceremony took place at the Lincolnshire Marriot. It was a wonderful and touching ceremony - one that I'll remember for a long time.

Congratulations, Diane & Joe! I know you'll have a blissfully happy life together!

Friday Q & A - Exchanging Rings

Question: At the last wedding I attended, when the couple exchanged rings they each said, "With this ring, I thee wed."
Is there something else we can use instead of this?

Answer: When you exchange rings, you can say what ever you want!
Here are samples of ring vows chosen by couples whose wedding ceremonies I've written:

• I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness to you.
• I give you this ring as a sign of my love and devotion. May its presence on your hand serve always to remind you of my love. May you find shelter, peace, and most of all happiness in the love I give to you for the rest of my life.
• Please accept this ring in token of the vow made between us and as a sign of my love and commitment to you.
• I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband. I gibe you this ring as a symbol of my love and a sign of my promise.

Remember, choose what feels right to you!

Friday Q & A: Vows That Wow!

Question: I know some people write their own vows, but I don't know where to begin. Do you have any suggestions?

Answer: One thing to consider is the overall tone. If you are having a lighthearted ceremony, you can add something funny like, "I promise to watch Cubs games with you, even though I love the Sox." If you are aiming for something more serious, I would advise staying away from jokes!

One place to start is by making a list of the things you love about your partner. Your vows don't necessarily have to be a list of things you promise to do. You may want to tell your partner what you love about him or her, and describe how your life has changed since you met.

You may also want to refer to some examples and "borrow" from these. It's okay if the words aren't completely original, as long as the sentiment behind them is real.

Try these resources:

"The Everything Wedding Vow Book" by Janet Anastasio, et al
"The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions"
"Your Special Wedding Vows" by Naylor

Friday Q & A: Involving Guests in the Ceremony

Question: I don't want my guests to be passive observers at my wedding - I want them to feel involved. How can I include my wedding guests in the ceremony?

Answer: You may want to consider having a ritual in which you directly involve your guests. Following are a few ideas to consider:

Guest vows: Guests stand as Celebrant asks questions such as, "Will you promise to support and love Joe and Sue throughout their marriage?" Guests respond, "We will."

Stone blessings: Stones are placed on each seat before the ceremony. Guests are informed that the stones are for blessings or well-wishes for the couple. The stones are collected during the ceremony and gathered in a vase or basket.

Group reading: Several guests are asked to take part in a reading, where each person reads a line from where they are sitting.

Circle of love: For smaller weddings, guests can stand in a circle around the couple as they exchange their vows.