20 Questions to Ask a Wedding Officiant - and a Few to Ask Yourself

You've picked the date and secured the perfect venue. You know exactly what kind of cake you'll have. You're narrowing down your choices for a DJ. So, what are you missing? 

Oh, yeah..... someone has to officiate your wedding ceremony!

There are so many choices for officiants, so how do you know if you've found the right person? They key to this is asking the right questions. 

When you sit down with a potential officiant, you are meeting this person to see whether you're a good match. Be sure to use the consultation as an opportunity to ask questions. Learn as much as you can about the person who will be responsible for one of the most important moments in your life. 

Here is a list of questions that should help you pick the right officiant:
 
1.    Did you go through any formal training in order to officiate ceremonies?
 
2.    Are your ceremonies any different from those of other officiants?
 
3.    Do you officiate other ceremonies besides weddings?
 
4.    What was one of your favorite wedding ceremonies?
 
5.    Would you ever turn down a couple's invitation to perform their ceremony? If so, for what reason?
 
6.    How would you describe your ideal couple?

7.    Have you ever had things go wrong during a ceremony? How did you handle it?
 
8.    What do you think is your main responsibility as an officiant?
 
9.    What's the best compliment a wedding guest ever gave you?
 
10. What was the funniest or oddest moment in a wedding you celebrated?
 
11. How much control (or input) do we have over the final ceremony?

12. What are your thoughts on a rehearsal? Do you charge extra for running a rehearsal?

13. Do you need a microphone on the wedding day?

14. Will you be staying for the rehearsal dinner and/or reception?

15. Have you ever been late or missed a wedding? If so, what happened?

16. How many weddings do you officiate in a day?

17. Have you ever co-officiated a ceremony with another officiant? If not, would you be willing to do so?

18. Do have any restrictions for us or any of our wedding professionals? (Ex: No flash photography.)

19. What is your fee and what does the fee include?

20. Would you tell us a bit about yourself? 

After the consultation, be sure to take some time to sit down and talk about your meeting. Compare notes and be sure you and your future spouse are on the same page. 

You may want to ask yourselves a few questions. Such as...

Does this person’s personality and approach match ours?

Will this person make us feel comfortable on our wedding day?
  
Does he/she seem prepared and professional?

Is he/she enthusiastic about our wedding?

Does he/she seem interested in us as a couple and in making our ceremony special?

Can we trust this person to make our ceremony run smoothly?

I hope this list comes in handy. Good luck with your search! (And if you would be kind enough to excuse a professional plug - be sure you speak to a Life-Cycle Celebrant!)

Couples' Choice Award 2016

Thank you to my wonderful couples for this honor!

So excited to have received this award for the 7th year in a row. 

Love my couples!

This appeared in my mailbox today. Thank YOU, Kerry & Amy - you made my day!

I love my couples!!

Personalizing Your Ceremony

Guess who was featured in the Be U Weddings article on personalizing your ceremony! Give up??


Check it out HERE

AnitaWeds commercial!

Eleven Eleven Wedding Giveaway!

I am so excited about the 2012 eleven eleven Wedding Giveaway!! Today is the first day to submit an entry to be considered for this incredible contest.


One lucky couple will win a complete wedding to be held on 11-11-12. The ceremony and reception will take place at the beautiful Peggy Notebart Nature Museum.


I am especially thrilled that I will be officiating the ceremony for the winning couple!


The prize includes:

• Wedding planning services by Greatest Expectations Special Events & Weddings
• Customized wedding ceremony - by me!
• Photography by Amanda Hein Photography
• Custom-made bridal gown by Mignonette Bridal
• Dresses for bridesmaids and flower girl by Bella Bridesmaid
• Tuxedos by Black Tie Formalwear
• Flowers by fleur
• Catering by Pure Kitchen Catering
• Cake by Amy Beck Cake Design
• And much more! Click here for all the incredible details.

To enter, all you need to do is share your love story. Rules for the contest, including an explanation of what your entry must include, can be found HERE.


To enter, click here HERE and explain why you want to win the eleven eleven Giveaway. The deadline to enter in March 25th.


In the meantime, check out this news clip about the eleven eleven Wedding Giveaway from 2011. My wonderful colleague, Life-Cycle Celebrant Bev Albert, was the officiant!

Bride's Choice Award!

So happy to have been awarded this honor! A big thank you to the wonderful couples who provided such kind feedback. 

I truly have the best job in the world! 

I won the Bride's Choice Award 2011!

I'm so excited to have been named a winner for WeddingWire's Bride's Choice Award! Thank you so much to my couples who nominated me - I appreciate it!!

101 Things About Me That You Didn't Know - and Maybe Don't Want to Know

I recently noticed that several people on Facebook have posted "101 Things about Me" and I thought it was a cute idea.

However, I can also see how some folks might thinks it's presumptuous for me to assume that anyone really cares to know anything about me. You're right. So, if you don't want to know anything else about me (and I don't blame you), please feel free to move on. I have many other posts that have absolutely nothing to do with me.

Otherwise, here you go.....

101 Things About Me

1. I only came up with 66. I didn’t want to bore you to death.
2. I hate mustard – the smell, the taste, everything. Blah.
3. I have a huge collection of beads. There’re waiting to be turned into jewelry that I’ll never wear.
4. I finally officiated a ceremony at Brookfield Zoo – now I want to perform a wedding ceremony at the Shedd Aquarium.
5. I love Portillo’s hotdogs – topped with tomatoes, pickles, and ketchup. Yes, ketchup. I’m not ashamed.
6. I had no idea how happy I could be until I met my husband.
7. I miss Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We have a poster of the musical episode on our living room wall.
8. I have two children – a son and a daughter. They are my greatest joy.
9. Joan Cusack came through my line when I worked at Jewel in college.
10. I kissed a hermit crab when I was on the beach on Saipan. Don’t ask me why. It was funny at the time.
11. Even though I was born in Chicago, German was my first language.
12. I officiated my friend’s wedding on Halloween and all the guests were in costumes. My daughter was the flower-girl, dressed as a witch. It was as fun as it sounds!
13. Peonies are gorgeous. Even with the ants.
14. There’s nothing as delicious as homegrown tomatoes.
15. Megamind was a great movie. I still say "Metrah-city."
16. I’m addicted to The Tudors. Thank goodness for Netflix.
17. I have a tiny crush on Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson. I have a thing for nerds.
18. There’s nothing better than ordering a pizza and watching a good movie with my husband and kids. Except maybe when they agree to do a jigsaw puzzle with me.
19. My desk chair gets mysteriously switched with my husband’s chair at least once a week. This drives me crazy. That could also be why it keeps happening.
20. I love coloring. Dover coloring books are the best. No one else gets to use my special stash of markers. Or else.
21. I miss Krispy Kreme’s lemon filled donuts. Why did they leave me??
22. I like reading comic books & graphic novels. FABLES is my current favorite.
23. I have never watched American Idol. Or Desperate Housewives.
24. Typos in signs make me insane. Especially the rampant abuse of the apostrophe. (I really hope there are no typos in what I’ve just written.)
25. I was so excited when I purchased a food processor last summer. It’s still in the box – with the instructions.
26. Sun-dried tomatoes make just about everything taste better.
27. The Office almost never fails to make me laugh out loud.
28. I am really good at making brownies – from a mix. The secret is adding things. But I can’t tell you what things, or it wouldn’t be a secret.
29. I like to be the first one to get to the Sunday paper so I can divide up all the sections, get rid of the ads I don’t want, and get first crack at Ask Amy.
30. Give me a hot beverage and a book store to roam, and I’m a happy camper.
31. I would love to meet Clarence Darrow. It would help if he were still living.
32. I don’t care what anyone says, cupcakes are fantastic!
33. I once drove through Nebraska and knew the words to all the old country songs on the radio. It scared everyone in the car - including me.
34. I love fresh, juicy peaches in the summer.
35. In the past year, my favorite books have come from the young adult section of the library. Hunger Games, anyone?
36. I married a couple on the 4^th of July - in my back yard.
37. I collect Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer figurines, even though Santa, the head elf, and most of the reindeer are all jerks. Still love the movie.
38. I plan to take a trip with Bead for Life to Uganda within the next five years.
39. I have a pussy willow tree in my yard named Miss Yvonne. I’m a big fan of Pee Wee’s Playhouse.
40. I love cephalopods. Who else can change color – and shape – and texture?!
41. My family celebrates Christmas in July - we even put up the tree.
42. I really want pet chickens. Just three hens – that’s all I ask. One would be named Henrietta.
43. I saw U2 in concert in March of 1985. The show ended with the song “One,” which everyone kept singing as we left the arena, even into the parking lot.
44. I really like cookbooks. But I need pictures of the recipes.
45. When I was a kid, I had a crush on Speed Racer. Yes, I know he was a cartoon.
46. April Fool’s Day is great – especially when I can pull off a good prank on my family. One year I made “cupcakes,” which were really little meatloaves topped with colored mashed potatoes. I crack myself up.
47. I have a dog named Krypto. He has the sweetest “puppy eyes” and floppy ears. It’s impossible not to love him.
48. My first record (before cds!) was The River by Bruce Springsteen.
49. When my husband proposed to me, I said, “Yes.” Then I said, “Can we go eat now?” I was really hungry.
50. I like to break off the ears of chocolate bunnies and dip them in peanut butter.
51. The Nightmare Before Christmas is one of my favorite movies.
52. I love singing in the car – really loud. Even when the windows are open. Especially to my 80’s/90’s mix tapes. Yes, that’s right – mix tapes.
53. At a recent wedding, the Best Man commented on my preparedness by calling me the Wedding MacGyver. I like my new title.
54. My favorite Saturday activity is going to garage sales.
55. My kids are two of the funniest people I know. Today they made a video of the cats and did voices for them. It cracked me up.
56. My living room is green and my bathroom is purple.
57. Peach pie is the best kind of pie.
58. Oversized mugs are essential for tea. Dainty cups are for the birds!
59. I used to teach jewelry-making classes at a community college.
60. Zucchini is delicious!
61. I love Lego people. I’m dying to get the guy in the gorilla suit.
62. I once had a groom ask me to begin the ceremony by using a line from The Princess Bride. “Wuv. Twu Wuv” was a big hit with the guests.
63. You can never have too many pairs of earrings. Or socks.
64. I can’t fold over the corner of the page to mark my place in a book. It feels wrong.
65. Band-aids make real and imaginary injuries feel better.
66. I have the best job in the world!!

Q: What type of research do you do for ceremonies?

When discussing my work recently, I mentioned that I love having the opportunity to do research on a wide variety of topics. I was asked to describe the types of research I do for ceremonies.

So, in response to that question, I thought I'd first explain why I do research.

Couples that work with me complete questionnaires, with questions about their relationship (how they met, what they love about one another, etc), what they want in a ceremony, and their own likes/dislikes and interests. I take that information and get to work on creating a ceremony that reflects the couple - as individuals and as a pair - and tells their story.

So..... I do lots of research. Which I really enjoy (the library is my friend!) Some of it has to do with topics you would expect, some may be a little surprising.

Here are some topics I've researched for ceremonies:

• Chinese legend of the Red String
• Song lyrics from different artists, including Bjork, U2, Leonard Cohen, Beatles, Deathcab for Cutie, Frank Sinatra, Counting Crows & Journey
• Legal decisions
• Mongolian wedding customs
• Sports lingo - especially baseball
• Pagan holidays
• Verses from the Koran
• Cherokee blanket ceremony
• Secular versions of the traditional Jewish Seven Blessings
• Comic book couples
• Dialogue from movies, such as Twilight, Harold & Maude, Princess Bride, Star Wars & Reservoir Dogs
• Symbolism of flowers
• Vietnamese wedding traditions
• Sherlock Holmes
• Korean wedding rituals
• Disney characters & lines from movies
• Quotes about coffee
• Military language
• Impressionist painters
• German folk songs
• Capoeira, an Afro-Brazialian art form combining dance & martial arts

Outdoor Weddings: Connecting With Nature

This year I've had the pleasure of officiating many outdoor weddings. It is always such a joy to be a part of a ceremony that celebrates our connection to nature.

If you're considering an outdoor wedding, you should definitely check out the inspiring article by my colleague, Celebrant Emily VanLaeys, Outdoor Weddings Build Bridges Between Humanity and Nature.

Emily, a Life-Cycle Celebrant in New York, is the creator of the wonderful blog, Bridges from the Wellspring.

The purpose of the bog, in Emily's words: "Inviting readers to participate in the return to Oneness by creating bridges between earth and heaven, between peoples of all faiths and cultures, and between human beings and nature beings. Building bridges with ceremony, readings, prayer, and meditation."

Visit her blog and start building those bridges......

It's All About YOU!!

Are you worrying about your upcoming wedding ceremony?

Nervous that it may wind up being the same as every other wedding ceremony you've seen?

Hoping to make your ceremony more "YOU?"

Then you may be interested in my upcoming workshop, "Creating a Unique Wedding Ceremony." The workshop is being offered through Oakton Community College.

Topics to be covered include:

• Selecting the right readings
• Rituals from different cultures
• Blending different traditions
• Theme weddings

There will also be time for a Q & A, so you can have your specific questions answered.

Here are all the details:

Class: Creating a Unique Wedding Ceremony (course code is PSY B02-01)

Location: Glenbrook South High School, 4000 W. Lake Ave. in Glenview

When: Tuesday, October 5th, 7 - 8:30 p.m. Workshop Fee: $30

How to Register online: Visit Oakton's website

Register by phone: Call 847-982-9888 & choose option 3 (days) or 847-486-4713 (evenings)

Hope to see you there!

Join us - Become a Celebrant!

When I tell people that I'm a Celebrant, it leads to the inevitable conversation about what it is, exactly, that I do. Not that I'm complaining - I love talking about my work!

Besides creating wedding ceremonies, I am also able to create other ceremonies for people, such as Vow Renewals, Birthday Celebrations, Baby Blessings, and Coming-of-Age ceremonies. Life-Cycle Celebrants, such as myself, work closely with people to create ceremonies for every type of life event. Sound interesting?

If this type of work appeals to you, you should know that the Celebrant Foundation & Institute is hosting a free informational webinar On Tuesday, August 10th. You can view the invitation on Facebook. You can also learn more about becoming a Celebrant at the website.

There's always room for more Celebrants. Join us in living the art of life!

What I Did During My Summer Vacation

Let me begin by telling you that this post has nothing to do with wedding ceremonies. Or cupcakes. Or any other baked goods for that matter.

Let's just call it, "Getting to Know Your Friendly, Neighborhood Celebrant."

You see, I have had a month off of officiating wedding ceremonies. I don't know how this happened, but I've had a little "vacation" right in the middle of the summer. And I'm not complaining! While I have been working on writing and researching, I've also had time to pursue other interests on the weekends.

Since we have become such good friends, I am now prepared to reveal some of my secrets desires to you. But only to you.

Secret #1 - I really want some chickens

I don't mean for dinner. I mean, as pets. And for eggs. I even have a name picked out for one of them: Henrietta. I also like Penelope, but I gave that name to my GPS. (It seemed to go with her accent.)
I want to have a little coop in the yard for up to four hens. That way, there would be one for each of us. (But we all know they'll really all be mine.)
The problem is that, where I live, backyard chickens are not allowed. They're permitted in all the surrounding suburbs, as well as the city of Chicago, but not here. Have the people around here not heard of urban farming!?!? Go figure.
I'm planning on working to change this, but haven't had the time to formulate the battle plan. Yet.

City Council members be warned - I will be taking up the good fight some day soon. And if you try to thwart me, I will not share any eggs with you. So there.

Secret #2 - I love watching the Demolition Derby
I developed this taste back in college when my friend Julie took me with her family. I always cheered for the car that had "Faith No More" emblazoned on the back. Okay, it was roughly painted, but it was still a tribute to a band I liked, so it worked for me. My other favorite had a huge barbie doll in a wedding dress attached to the back.

In any case, I love watching cars smash into each other. I also want to be the driver that's smashing into the other cars. Enough said.

The highlight of this month was going to the DuPage County Fair, where I was able to revel in my secret pleasures!

I have no reasonable explanation as to why a city girl like me has these interests. But I do.
And now, you know a little bit more about me than you ever needed (or wanted) to know.

P.S.
I swear to you - that chicken in the picture above really was talking to me! Really.

Wedding Rituals: The Movie

This past Sunday, I met with my lovely colleague, Lamira Martin, to film wedding rituals in downtown Chicago. Lamira is an instructor at the Celebrant Foundation and Institute, where we both received our certification. She is putting together a film of rituals for the class she teaches to future Celebrants.

We had some difficulty recruiting participants, so I rounded up my family to play as many parts as possible. Lamira's son was kind enough to do the filming and he even provided his two actor friends to participate.

We set up our props inside the Cultural Center, in the gorgeous Tiffany-domed room, Preston Bradley Hall. It's such a stunning place - definitely an incredible venue for a wedding!

It was especially fun telling my kids about the old days, when this building was the main Chicago public library. About 30 years ago, I even used to volunteer here as a book shelver! I can remember many days of being shushed by the librarians here. Good times. But I digress.

So, as we were setting up, I had the idea that maybe we could convince a few passersby to participate in the filming. We had enough grooms in our group, but no brides. So, why not?

My husband took charge and went outside to see if he could find someone to help. To my shock, he came back with a lovely (and patient!) woman named Jenny. She was so gracious and offered to help us, while her husband and their relatives continued walking around. She was such a good sport!

After accosting several other people, including a group of Austrian tourists (I thought I had them when I explained in German what we were doing- but no luck), a nice man named Thomas was willing to help. He was also very patient and willing to do as much as we needed. He was great!

Jenny and Thomas went through several rituals for us, portraying the bride and groom. They were fantastic! In the top photo, they are in character (with me), waiting for their children (mine, actually) to present them with flowers.

Later, we even got Jenny's husband, Tovi, to join in. Here he is (middle photo) with Jenny, participating in the Bell of Truce ritual with Lamira. After this, they stayed for a remembrance ritual. It was very sad. I had to tell him that his character had a lovely aunt and grandmother. And then I broke it to him that they were both deceased. He handled the news very well. In fact, during the remembrance, he bowed his head and was quite somber looking. I was so impressed - until he later told me it was to keep from laughing. That cracked me up!

After our first wonderful volunteers had to move on, we then convinced another woman to participate in filming a handfasting ritual. Jennifer, who was at the Cultural Center with her husband and cousin, roped in her unsuspecting husband, Bruce, to join the fun. We even got them to stay for another ritual, the Earth Blessings which included a Hindu water pouring ritual. Her cousin Tom, visiting from DC, was dragged into the fray, to act as the groom's father. These poor people had no idea what they were in for when they walked into that building!

In the end, we filmed over fifteen different rituals. It was great! The kids were a little tired by the end (bottom photo) but they were troopers. Everyone was wonderful.

We're especially grateful to our gracious volunteers, who were willing to be adventurous and help us out: Thomas, Jenny & Tovi, Jennifer & Bruce, and their friend whose name I neglected to get (sorry).

Thanks for starring in our movie!

Q & A: What the Heck is a Celebrant???

Question for the Day: What is a Celebrant?

I have had a few blank stares when I tell people that I'm a Celebrant.

So, to shed some light on the subject, here is a video from the Celebrant Foundation explains our role nicely.

The eleven eleven WEDDING giveaway!

It's the eleven eleven WEDDING giveaway!

You can enter to win a dream wedding worth $60,000, to be held on Nov. 11, 2010!
Eleven eleven - get it? Entries must be received by May 1st. The finalists will be posted at the website and visitors to the site will be able to cast votes.


To enter the contest, just click here.

One of the best parts? The ceremony will be created and officiated by my wonderful Celebrant colleague, Toni Hassett of Unforgettable Ceremonies. Yay!

You (Yes, YOU!) are invited.....

Join me on March 24th at the Chicago launch party for Wish Upon a Wedding! The event will take place at the Ravenswood Event Center, starting at 6 p.m.

Wish Upon a Wedding is a non-profit organization that grants wedding wishes to people facing life-threatening illnesses.

Not only will you be supporting a great cause, you'll also enjoy a wonderful evening. My pal, the fabulous DJ Harsh, will be providing the musical entertainment, so it's guaranteed to be a good time!

RSVP to: WUWChicago@yahoo.com

See you there!

Q & A - How do you write a "personalized" ceremony?

I thought I'd cover a frequently asked question today.

People often wonder how it is that I can create a "personalized" ceremony for each couple.

Well, I will now divulge my secret..... actually it's not really a secret at all.

Every couple who hires me completes a Couple Questionnaire before I start working on their ceremony. The Questionnaire has tons of questions, the answers of which allow me to get to know each couple better.

Then I start working on the ceremony. I select rituals the couple has requested, or I suggest those that I think they'll like. I also spend time researching elements that will make the ceremony unique, such as lyrics to songs they like, quotes from a favorite author or movie, etc. I'll also look into traditions from their cultural backgrounds if they like.

So... what are some of the questions I ask? Here is a small sampling:

• How did you and your partner meet?
• How did you propose or accept the proposal?
• What does your partner do that always makes you laugh?
• In what ways has your life changed since meeting your partner?
• Would you like to include anything in the ceremony to honor your background?
• Is there someone special who helped shape you as a person?
• Do you have a favorite movie or book? Favorite writer?
• What is your favorite type of music? Favorite performer? Song?
• Is there a person in history you greatly admire? Why?
• Who are your heroes?

I then send a couple the first draft of their ceremony for approval. They can edit, delete and/or change to their heart's content. We keep at it until they feel the ceremony is finished - and they LOVE it.

And voila! That's how a personalized ceremony is created.

Yay! I just won an award!!!

I just received an email from Wedding Wire to let me know that I'm a 2010 Bride's Choice Award Winner. I'm so excited!! The annual Bride’s Choice Awards™ recognizes and celebrates excellence in quality and service within the wedding industry, as determined by recent reviews and extensive surveys from over 500,000 newlyweds.

AnitaWeds is among the top five percent of all vendors in the WeddingWire community, which includes over 100,000 wedding professionals across the US and Canada.

Thank you to any of my couples who may have nominated me - I'm just thrilled!

I opened my email and saw this. Since it said "announce it," I'm doing just that......